In the “religion” I created in my mind, there were many rules. A little like living under the law, with the Ten Commandments being the laws. If I was a nice person and kept the Ten Commandments, I was a ‘Christian’. Except, I wasn’t really keeping the Ten Commandments. I was filled with guilt and shame, carrying around many secrets.
Then one day, a friend explained God’s grace to me. Grace is defined as unmerited favor. If I asked, God would forgive me and forget my sins. It was a free gift, he said, all I needed to do was accept it. Honestly, it took me a long time to believe that God could love me. I kept feeling like I didn’t “deserve” grace and couldn’t accept it.
I began attending an Evangelical Christian Church. I was in a women’s class at church and one night received prayer for forgiveness of my sins. I was to write down my sins and place them at the foot of the cross. After this time of prayer, the facilitator told us to watch for God to confirm this healing with an action during the week. I hadn’t ever had any encounters with God, so I didn’t really know what to expect.